Judaism 1.0

[Query]
Hi, I'm about to install SCO Unix. But I heard that any Unix is full
of daemons or demons. I uninstalled Linux because of that reason and
because I had a lot of trouble since having installed it. As a
Christian user, I don't want to have to do anything with Satan and
his daemons. Is the only alternative for me Windows NT?

[author's reply]

I'm afraid that all platforms have daemons running somewhere. To
see NT's, right click on the task bar, select "Task Manager" and
you'll see all the programs running in the background. The solution
to your problem is not to switch to NT but to upgrade to a new
personal operating system that does not require the fear of
daemons. I recommend Judaism 1.0 which had been offering an
un-advertised competitive upgrade for the last 6,000 years. Check
your phone directory for the address of your nearest authorized
services center for details.

There are many other advantages to an upgrade to Judaism 1.0:

Thousands of local authorized services centers (temples).
Expert consultant at every services center (rabbi).
User group meetings every Saturday.
Advanced Study Centers (Yeshivah).
Annual reboot ceremony (Yom Kippur).
Economical. Does not require a large Vatican MIS department.
Flexible development, arguing and porting environment.
Runs most compatible jobs and careers without modification.

To aid in the upgrade, Judaism 1.0 comes with a complete
Documentation package, including:
Source Code (Torah).
Translation to English (Old Testament).
Annotated release notes (Talmud).
Getting Started guide (Maftir).

There are some details which must be known before upgrading. Due to
reliability considerations, multiple personal operating systems are
not supported. Therefore, the upgrade is actually a total
replacement. Fortunately, the tested in-place-upgrade preserves
everything and does not require unloading assets and starting over.
Although there are no license fees, maintenance charges (tithe) or
Upgrade charges, donations are usually requested at the Saturday
user group meetings, (but not at the orthodox ones) and after the
annual reboot ceremony. There are media charges for printed
documentation. Some minor accessories (yamulkah, tallis, tefillin)
may need to be purchased.

Once the Judaism personal operating system is installed and properly
licensed, you are allowed to make backup copies for all your child
processes. However, they will be running "Judaism Lite" until age
13 when the full personal operating system may be safely installed
(Bar Mitzvah). There are a number of holidays, festivals and events
which may involve some downtime. These are explained in the
documentation in excruciating details. The lunar calendar is
non-standard but conversion utilities are available.

Judaism 1.0 is compatible with both Unix and NT. It involves no
fear Of daemons, numbers (663) or scientific notation. Many
features of the Beta versions of Judaism were cloned by your
existing personal operating system. Reliability is greatly
enhanced by 5,759 years of experience as compared to only 1,999
years for your current installation. This allowed time to do
testing and avoid squabbles over standards as is currently
underway in Ireland.

Judaism 1.0 is an impressively powerful personal operating system,
but with an installed base of only 3% of the US population. This
small but fanatically loyal user base has resulted in extremely
low turnover. This also yields excellent system reliability,
honesty, survivability and high net worth benchmark results.

Having run Judaism 1.0 for the past 50 years, I can testify as to
all the above advantages. I have never experienced a system crash,
hang, purge or pogrom that could be attributed to a bug or glitch
in the personal operating system. I highly recommend installing
the upgrade.