You Know You're in Israel When ...


-You cross the street and a car purposely speeds up and honks
only when you have gotten to the sidewalk safely

-When a cab will not take you where you want to go simply because
he is not going that way.

-When every woman is wearing a high skirt, high black boots, and
has dyed red hair. . . at the beach.

-When a cab driver is driving a car nicer than our parents drive

-When an employee yells at you for asking them for help.How
fired would they be at home?SO FIRED!

-When everybody in the restaurant you are eating at has a "pele
phone" but had to take the bus to get there.

-When an old lady will physically harm you to get on the bus and
you find yourself actually fighting back.

-When there are TV's and VCR's on the buses, but no bathrooms.

-When any time you go to the bank or the post office they are
closed..

-When you have to organize your day around going to the bank or
the post office.

-When an Israeli describes a popular place as being "famous".

-When you get a call from an Israeli and they say in an Israeli
accent "You know who is it?"

-When an experienced tour guide gets you lost in the middle of
nowhere in the Golan Heights or in the desert.

-When you are at a bus stop and the bus driver deliberately
drives off without you.

-When there is a free All-You-Can-Eat buffet at the Supersol.

-When you have to figure out how to flush the toilet.

-When your bowel movements are anything but regular.

-When you have to hunt down your waitress to get your bill.

-When you look like shit and then an Israeli still insists that
you are beautiful.

-When you have to scream at the driver to stop long enough for
everyone to get off the bus.

-When people eat at 11:30 p.m., come home at 5 a.m., and go to
work at 7 a.m.

-When the "hafsaka" in the movie is in the middle of the main scene.

-When you go to someone's house and they feed you till your pants
split.

-When you find twenty relatives you never knew you had.

-When nothing is a "problem", but everything is a big "balagan".