NASA RESEARCH ANNOUNCES DISCOVERY OF A NEW ELEMENT

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by GM
Research physisists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero. However, it
does have 1 neutron, 125 asistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111
assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic number of 312. These 312
particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous
exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction that it comes in contact
with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Adimnistratium
caused one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have
normally occuered in less than one second. Administratium has a normal
half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually
decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons,
vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies
have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each
reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such
as government agencies, large corporations and universities and can usually
be found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any
detectable level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive
reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to
determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible
damage, but results to date are not promising.
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