45 COOL THINGS TO DO IN A COLLEGE DORM SHOWER STALL

1. Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly,
exclaiming, "I didn't know I had one of THOSE!"

2. Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do not undress and make sure you clothes
get all wet & soapy. Complain when leaving the bathroom that your shirt
tends to bleed all over.

3. Ask Scottie to beam you up.

4. Enter the stall, undress and then re-dress up as Superman. Leap out of
the stall, vengefully vow to stop Lex Luthor's evil plot, then run full
force into the wall. Stand up, shake your head, and proceed to take your
shower.

5. Bring a bottle of fake blood or ketchup into the shower with you.
Exclaim "Ow, you know, it really hurts when you pop one of those." Then let
the blood/ketchup seep down the drain for all to see.

6. Look over the edge to the person showering next to you, giggle, and then
return to your side, whistling the tune "It's a Small World After All."

7. Bring in a rubber chicken. Get it all soapy, then toss in into the next
stall. Demand that the person in that stall returns it to you, or you will
cast a voodoo curse on them. The next day, hang the chicken from the
bathroom lighting fixtures by a noose and stick numerous pins and forks in
it.

8. Have a seizure. Bang against the walls of the stall really hard. Try to
knock them down. If anyone later asks if you are okay, just say that you
had some Mexican Jumping Fava Beans and they were reacting negatively with
your stomach.

9. Bring a chunk of sodium metal. Leave it in the stall for the next person
showering.

10. Stand in the bathroom, waiting for would-be shower-goers. When they
come in, tell them "Not to do it" and ask them "Not to give in to sin".
Wail mournfully when they step into the shower.

11. Initiate a war with the person in the stall next to you. Use the
residue water on the floor as your battle medium, and float litte
battleships over to their side. If they kick them back or throw them over
the edge, exclaim that you didn't know they had the power of God and
sheepishly mumble prayers for the duration of your shower.

12. Bring in a fake finger. Float it down the drainage "ditch". Ask if
someone would be so kind as to return it to you. If no one does, tell them
that the finger has been sacrificed to Satan and that the shower stalls are
now possessed. Hang Halloween decorations and crepe-paper ghosts from them
the next day.

13. Bang your head against the stall wall, shouting "Redrum! Redrum!" in
your best groggy voice.

14. Bring a Yoo-Hoo to the shower with you. Complain about a stomachache,
then moan "Ohhhh, um, uh-oh", and pour the Yoo-Hoo down the drain "ditch"
for all to see.

15. Before you turn the shower on, make a noise like you are charging up a
proton pack from Ghostbusters. Before you turn it off, ask Egon to set the
trap up for you.

16. Bring a balloon into the shower. Make the balloon squeak for the
duration of your bathing experience. Then pop it, and fall to the ground.

17. Bring dead fish into the shower with you. Let them float down the
drainage "ditch", complaining about the quality of water these days.

18. Hang up the names of different farm animals in the stalls. Have
everyone entering the stalls join you in a rendition of "Old McDonald Had A
Farm", making the sound of their animal in the stall.

19. Turn the stall into a shrine for a pagan god. Call him Weeshy. Insist
that anyone who uses that stall must tithe to receive his benefence and
glory. If they don't tithe, avoid them for the rest of your life.

20. Take your shower like normal, and then begin screaming that the
Communists are taking over. Bang battle sounds, including bombs, bazookas,
and tanks. Towards the end, wearily declared victory. Leave wounded.

21. Levitate. If anyone complains, tell them that they are breaking your
concentration and just because they have bad karma doesn't give them the
right to spread it.

22. Blow bubbles. Exclaim that you are dissolving.

23. Bring in a bucket, fill it with water, and float a bar of soap in it.
Charge a fee for people to see the Wicked Witch of the West bathing nude.
Threaten anyone who laughs at you with flying monkeys.

24. Start singing Pavarotti really loud. In the middle, stop, stutter for a
second, and then exclaim "Ohmigosh...do you know what these words REALLY
mean?"

25. Walk in a man. Come out a woman. Complain that there are men in the
bathroom.

26. Suck on the faucet head until you fill up with water. Complain that
they Seven Chinese Brothers get no respect OR pretend to be a fountain.

27. Wet your head, and then sneak into a toilet stall. Flush the bowl and
wait a minute. Walk out of the stall lurching, complaining about how dizzy
you are.

28. Buy a bunch of those tiny animal-pills that expand into full, spongy
shape when they get wet. Bring them into the shower and spill them into the
ditch. Ask somebody for your pills back, and when they hand little animals,
scream, slap them, and run away.

29. Make your best Psycho noise (reeEENT reeEENT...)

30. Try to get everyone in the other stalls to sing in four-part harmony
with you. If this actually works, change your voice part every three
measures.

31. Role-play with the guy in the stall next to you. If he claims to have
rolled a natural 20, call him a liar and fire your bottle of shampoo on to
his side. Complain about oily hair for the rest of the day.

32. Become a shower-pirate. Loot other stalls of soap, Oxy pads, and
Q-Tips. Bury them under the tile floor. Fire cannons at people using the
toilet stalls.

33. Scream out that your washcloth is attacking you, then fall to the floor
and cover your face with it. Lie there for 2 hours. Three days later, have
a little washcloth pop out of your stomach and terrorize the school.

34. Bring SCUBA gear into the shower with you. Talk to Cousteau. Upon
leaving, tell everyone that the Titanic was actually torpedoed by the
Germans. Be cocky.

35. Hum for a couple of moments, stop, make a "Mmm!" sound, and then
announce to everyone that the mildew on the shower walls kind of tastes
like head cheese.

36. Coat the floor in a fine layer of quick-drying cement.

37. Steal everyone's clothes from the changing compartment. Go into their
rooms and take all their other clothes. Donate to a needy organization.

38. Hang "Marisa Cevasco steals Homecoming Queen Crown" signs in all the
stalls. If anyone asks who Marisa Cevasco is, call them ignorant and ignore
them for the rest of your life.

39. Bring in Sesame Street bath books. Read them aloud. Giggle everytime
Bert walks in on Ernie bathing.

40. Stare at people's feet as they bathe. If they do not wash their feet,
tell them so. If this happens a second time, steal their shoes and tell
them that they left on strike. If they do wash their feet and fall down
while doing it, laugh hysterically.

41. Stand outside the shower curtain, raise a harpoon, and shout "I'm
coming for you, Moby!". Run in and do battle with the faucet-head. Walk out
a pegleg.

42. Charge a toll for people wanting to use the shower. If they complain,
light them on fire. Then they'll pay.

43. Hook up your shower-heads to a local dairy-farm. If anyone complains
about the washing facilities, tell them that they should be thankful for a
wholesome, pasturized, vitamins A & D fortified wash. Call them ingrates.

44. Put an electric eel in the water heater. Laugh everytime someone gets a
shock. Call them glowworms.

45. Set up a slip and slide into the shower. Hurt yourself everytime you
bump into the wall. Complain that your favorite physics professor shuts
gravity off at the wrong times always.
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