These are some classic luser gems I've seen before. They were sent to me by
Reggie Taylor (whoknows@earthlink.net).

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic
bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that
the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem,
it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into
his typewriter to type the labels.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes
to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer
along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back
in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the
tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and
closing the door to his room.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered
the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the
screen and pressing the "send" key.

7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so the Dell
tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of
friends," the man said. When told Egghead was a software store, the man
said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

8. Another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer
worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and
soaking the keyboard for a day, then he removed all the keys and washed
them individually.

9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid". The tech
explained that the coputer's "bad" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be
taken personally.

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in,
the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button.
Her response "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."
The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what
happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

12. A customer called Compaq to inquire about her disks. The customer had
recently bought a new computer to replace her old one. The only problem was
her old computer had used 5 1/4's and her new one only had a 3 1/2 drive.
The tech explained that she would have to copy the information from her 5
1/4's to her 3 1/2's. The customer thanked the tech and hung up. About an
hour later the same customer called and stated that her disk-drive was
making funny noises. After a few questions, the customer told the tech that
she didn't know how to copy and had cut the 5 1/4's to the same size as the
3 1/2's and put them in the drive!
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