[Editor's Note: Most of this describes my family -- both sides -- so well
that it's scary. I don't know who wrote this, but having lived all my life
in NJ, I can vouch for its accuracy. We're not ALL like that, though!
Really!]

NAME:__________________________
NICKNAME:_____________________

ADDRESS: ______________________
EXIT #: ______________________

ETHNIC BACKGROUND:

_______Italian
_______Sicilian
________Jewish

BACKYARD SMELLS LIKE:

a)Sewage
b)Sulfur
c)Garbage
d)All of the above

TOTAL # OF MUSCLE SHIRTS:

a)5 - 10
b)10 - 15
c)15 - 20
d)20 and above

# OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS:

a)5 - 10
b)10 - 15
c)15 - 20
d)20 and above

# OF BON JOVI TOUR SHIRTS THAT ARE ALSO MUSCLE SHIRTS:

a)5 - 10
b)10 - 15
c)15 - 20
d)20 and above

BRAND OF JEANS PREFERRED:

a)Sergio Valente
b)Jordache
c)Sassoon
d)Z. Cavaricci

PERCENTAGE OF WARDROBE WHICH IS LEATHER:

a)100%
b)95-100%
c)90-95%
d)85-90%

TOTAL # OF GOLD CHAINS OWNED:

a)10 - 15
b)15 - 20
c)20 - 25
d)25 and above

# OF GOLD CHAINS WORN AT ONE TIME:

a)5 - 10
b)10 - 15
c)15 - 20
d)20 and above

APPROXIMATE VALUE OF ALL THIS JEWELRY:

a)$5 - $10
b)$10 - $15
c)$15 - $20
d)Stolen

NUMBER OF APPLICATIONS OF OBSESSION/POLO/DRAKKAR TO ACHIEVE DESIRED EFFECT:

a)10 - 15
b)15 - 25
c)25 and above

GOLD CAP ON AT LEAST ONE TOOTH?

YES NO

HAIR HEIGHT:

a)6 - 8 Inches
b)8 - 12 Inches
c)1 - 2 feet
d)More than 2 feet

HAIR PRODUCTS USED AT ANY GIVEN TIME:

a) Hair Spray
b) Styling Gel
c) Mousse
d) Extra Hold Styling Gel
e) Bondo
f) Spackle
g) 40 Weight Oil
h) Crazy Glue

AUTOMOBILE OWNED:

a) IROC Z
b) Firebird
c) Camaro
d) Mustang
f) Chevette (You got a f#%*ing problem with it?)

NUMBER OF INCHES CAR IS OFF THE GROUND:

a)6 - 8 Inches
b)4 -6 Inches
c)2 - 4 Inches
d)Under 2 Inches

CHARACTERISTICS OF AUTOMOBILE:

a) Gold chain around license plate
b) Neon lights around license plate
c) Neon lights under car
d) Chippendales/Playboy air freshener hanging from rear view
mirror
e) Garter hanging from rear view mirror
f) Chrome hubcaps
g) Stick-on window tinting
h) Stick-on paint splash stickers
i) Fuzzy dice

FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM:

a) F#%*ing Giants
b) F#%*ing Jets
c) F#%*ing Mets
d) F#%*ing Yankees
e) F#%*ing Nets
f) F#%*ing Knicks
g) F#%*ing Devils
h) F#%*ing Rangers
i) F#%*ing Islanders

FAVORITE MUSIC:

a) Techno
b) Rap
c) Bon Jovi
d) Bruce Springsteen

ESSAY QUESTION:

In 100 words or less, define the term "Yoos Guys".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------