MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMAN

ANTIBODY
against everyone

ARTERY
the study of fine paintings

BACTERIA
back door to a cafeteria

BANDAGES
The Rolling Stones

BARIUM
what you do when CPR fails

BENIGN
what you be after you be eight

BOTULISM
tendency to make mistakes

BOWEL
letters like A, E, I, O, or U

CAESAREAN SECTION
a district in Rome

CARDIOLOGY
advanced study of poker playing

CAT SCAN
searching for ones lost kitty

CAUTERIZE
made eye contact with her

COLIC
a sheep dog

COMA
a punctuation mark

CONGENITAL
friendly

CORTIZONE
the local courthouse

D & C
where Washington is

DILATE
to live longer

ENEMA
not a friend

ENTERITIS
a penchant for burglary

ER
the things on your head that you hear with

FESTER
quicker

FIBRILLATE
to tell lies

G.I. SERIES
baseball games between teams of soldiers

GENES
blue denim slacks

GENITAL
non-Jewish

GRIPPE
what you do to a suitcase

HANGNAIL
a coathook

HEMORRHOID
a male from outer space

HERPES
what women do in the Ladies Room

HORMONES
what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid

ICU
peek-a-boo

IMPOTENT
distinguished, well known

INPATIENT
tired of waiting

LABOR PAIN
hurt at work

MEDICAL STAFF
a doctor's cane

MINOR OPERATION
somebody else's

MORBID
a higher offer

NITRATE
lower than day rate

NODE
was aware of

ORGAN TRANSPLANT
what you do to your piano when you move

ORGANIC
church musician

OUTPATIENT
a person who has fainted

PARALYZE
two far-fetched stories

PATHOLOGICAL
a reasonable way to go

PHARMACIST
person who makes a living dealing in agriculture

PLASTER CAST
the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert

POST-OPERATIVE
a letter carrier

PROTEIN
in favor of young people

RECOVERY ROOM
place to upholster furniture

RECTUM
what happened to the Corvette

RED BLOOD COUNT
Dracula

RHEUMATIC
amorous

SALINE
where you go on your boyfriend's boat

SECRETION
hiding anything

SEROLOGY
study of English knighthood

SURGERY
a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply

STERILE SOLUTION
not using the elevator during a fire

TABLET
a small table

TERMINAL ILLNESS
getting sick at the airport

TIBIA
country in North Africa

TRIPLE BYPASS
better than a quarterback sneak

TUMOR
an extra pair

URINE
opposite of "you're out"

VARICOSE
very close

VEIN
conceited

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