Webster's Guide to Male and Female Language

Wants & needs (wontz and nedz) n.

Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and
psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a
relationship.
Male: Food, sex and beer.

Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.

Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's
partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a
weekend with the guys.

Butt (but) n.

Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured
makes "look bigger."
Male: The organ of mooning (and farting).

Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.

Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
girlfriend.

Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.

Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.

Female: An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and
male bonding.

Glass ceiling (glas see-ling) n.

Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the
upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took
over the office one flight up.

Lesbian (lez-bi-an) n.

Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch and
get really turned on.

Making love (may-king luv) n.

Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

Male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.

Remote control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2-1/2
minutes.

Taste (tayst) v.

Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking,
to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad,
prior to tossing it out.

Thingie (thing-ee) n.

Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing ball without a cup.

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