EDITOR'S NOTE: Around 1988-1992, there used to be a whole slew of "animal"
accounts on Drew's academic computer systems. Since Drew's user ID
convention is first initial + last name, the "animals" were given names
like "Mike Oose" (MOOSE), "Walter Ombat" (WOMBAT), "Paul Latypus"
(PLATYPUS), etc. This poem was written to one of these animals, whose
account was, of course, "COW".

An Ode to Cathy Ow

by Karl Lohner

That Cathy Ow. That Cathy Ow
I do not like that Cathy Ow

"Do you like green milk and steak?"

I do not like green milk and steak
I do not like them, Cathy Ow
That type of food I don't allow.

"Would you like them by a lake?
Would you like them in a cake?"

I would not, could not, by a lake
I could not, would not, in a cake
I do not like them, Cathy Ow
I do not like them anyhow.

"Would you could you with an abacus?
Would you could you with Paul Latypus?"

I'd never ever with an abacus
I'd never ever with the platypus
Not by a lake or in a cake
Not with a fork or with a rake
I do not like them, Cathy Ow
Where'd you get them? You're a cow.

"But I'm the type who wants to know
If you'll eat them. Yes or no?
Would you could you with a moose?
Would you could you with a goose?"

I would not could not with a moose
I could not would not with a goose
Not by the lake or with an abacus
Not in a cake or with Paul Latypus
I do not like green milk and steak
Now go away, you bovine flake!

"Now Karl dear, don't call me names
I'm tired of all your silly games
If you'll try them you will see
How good and tasty they will be
Try them, try them, I have them here
Try them, try them, Karl dear."

Okay I'll try them, Oh cow of kine
Would thou be quiet whilst I dine?

(mrfl mrvfl slurp slurp
mrfl mrvfl hic burrp)

Say... This green milk is not that bad
This steak's the best I've ever had
You were right then, that's no bull
Green milk and steak are wonderful
And I would eat them with a moose
And I could eat them with a goose
I'd count the steaks by abacus
And I'd eat them with Paul Latypus
Ow, let's have green milk and steak
On a picnic table by the lake
And the next day we could bake
Green milk and steak into a cake
Oh how I love them, Cathy Ow
For breakfast, no more eggs and sow.
Come Cathy dear, enjoy we will
Gee I hope you're on the pill.

(just kidding.)
(Mooooooooooo.)
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