Date: Sat, 1 Dec 90 10:01:07 PST
From: BENNY LEBOVITS (bennyl@FAB8.INTEL.COM)

From the Gutter Press (Matt Nesviskey):

The latest Kinsey Report reveals that Americans are woefully ignorant of
the basic facts of life. The majority, for example, know where babies come
from, but fewer than 20 % apparently know how they get there. Even worse,
36 % believe that bondage is something you wrap around a cut finger. And no
fewer than 44 % reason that being into leather means working as a
shoemaker.

The following quiz is designed to measure the smut level of the public:

1. The most erotic experience a woman over 35 can have is:

a. having her knees rubbed with sour cream
b. simultaneously using the food processor, the blender, and the
microwave
c. reading a sex quiz
d. shopping for shoes

2. When a businessman buys a red Mercedes, he is hoping to:

a. acquire a mistress
b. attract his neighbor's wife
c. preserve his youth
d. get a tax write-off

3. A marriage is in trouble when the husband brings home from the video
store:

a. Kitten with a Whip
b. Sex Slaves of New Haven
c. Emmanuelle II meets Rocky IV
d. Dumbo

4. Condoms are not recommended for use:

a. before the 15th of the month
b. after the 15th of the month
c. immediately after sex
d. as birthday party decorations

5. Religious families generally have large families because:

a. they generally have more children
b. they just have natural rhythm
c. the Bible forbids television
d. they're just lucky

6. The Bible condemns homosexuals because:

a. they go to the theater a lot
b. they look too much like heterosexuals
c. they don't keep two sets of clothes
d. it's impossible to determine who should take out the garbage

7. After their 30th birthday, fewer than 10 % of women ever achieve:

a. multiple orchids
b. a satisfactory weight-loss program
c. a job that pays as much as a man's
d. comfortable shoes

8. It is not uncommon for the average male to worry about the size of his:

a. bank account
b. piano
c. office
d. necktie

9. In addition to traditional methods, AIDS can also be transmitted by:

a. petting goldfish
b. handling chicken fat
c. fax
d. aerogram

10. Conception has been known to occur in:

a. the ovarian tubes
b. eustachian tubes
c. the Euston tube station
d. front of the boob tube

11. "Time of the month" refers to:

a. ovulation
b. undulation
c. a new moon
d. tax payment

12. Testosterone is a kind of:

a. Italian ice cream
b. testimony given in an Italian court
c. umpire in an Italian cricket match
d. Italian chicken fat

13. An erogenous zone is an area where:

a. women tend to fall asleep
b. women tend to develop sudden headaches
c. men tend to laugh beofe the punchline
d. it is forbidden to park your rogenous

14. At least 50 % of males suffer from premature:

a. emasculation
b. matriculation
c. baldness
d. laughter before the punchline

15. Judeo-Christian tradition frowns on:

a. premarital sex
b. post-marital sex
c. the opposite sex
d. carnal knowledge with non-kosher animals

16. The average frequency of sexual relations is:

a. 78.8 megahertz
b. 92.3 kilohertz
c. 98.4 oyithertz
d. depends on your Italian ice-cream level

17. Which is not considered erotic vocabulary:

a. doo-doo
b. thingamajig
c. wee-wee
d. woogie-woogie

18. In your personal experience, sex is:

a. overrated but undersupplied
b. oversupplied but not overpriced
c. over there but not over here
d. over

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