The Things You Didn't Know About Sex

(Cosmopolitan, October 1996)

THE LONG AND THE SHORT:
According to the Kinsey Institute, the biggest erect penis on record
measures 13 inches. The smallest tops off at 1 3/4 inches.

HOTDOG HELPERS:
The Caramoja tribe of northern Uganda tie a weight on the end of their
penises to elongate them--sometimes to such a degree that the men
literally have to knot them up--while the Mambas of New Hebrides wrap
theirs in yards and yards of cloth, making them look up to 17 inches
long.

DOUBLE TROUBLE
In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two
penises. Since then, there have been eighty documented cases of men
similarly endowed.

SO LONG THE NIGHT:
Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love an
avaerage of three times a night, every night, until their thirties,
when the weekly average drops to a mere 14.

FAST LANE:
The maximum speed at which erotic sensations travel from skin to brain
has been clocked at 156 miles per hour.

COITUS SEMI-INTERRUPTUS:
A honeymooning couple are suing Holiday Inn for ten thousand dollars,
claiming their sex life is now dysfunctional because an employee
mistakenly walked in on them on their wedding night.

LES LIAISONS DANGEREUSES:
At least 500 Americans die each year from asphyxia in an attempt to
lessen oxygen flow to the brain in order to induce a more powerful
orgasm.

NOBLESSE OBLIGE:
England's King Edward VII, a man of considerable heft, had a special
table built so that he could comfortably engage in sexual intercourse.

It was considered elegant for aristocratic ladies of the sixteenth
century to let their pubic hair grow as long as possible so it could
be pomaded and adorned with bows and ribbon.

In fourteenth-century Europe, high-ranking noblemen were permitted to
display their genitals below a short tunic, while those not
impressively endowed could, if they chose, wear a leather falsie
called a braquette.

MISSIONARIES TAKE NOTE:
Given today's average frequency of sexual intercourse, it would take
the typical American couple more than four years to try every one of
the 529 positions described in the Kama Sutra.

GALLIC WAY OF DEATH:
French President Francois Faure expired in a bordello in 1899 during
the act of copulation, which so terrified his lady of the evening that
her vagina constricted intractably, necessitating the surgical removal
of the dead man's member.

JUST SAY HOWDY:
When men of the Walibri tribe of central Australia greet each other,
they shake penises instead of hands.

BONBON MOTS:
"There may be some things that are better than sex, and their may be
some things that are worse. But there is nothing exactly like it."
--W.C. Fields
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