"Remove my name from your rooster!"

The best of homophobic mail

by Kathleen DeBold and George Neighbors, Jr. (contributing writers)

One of the joys of working for a gay organization is the singular pleasure
we get from reading the daily dose of hate mail. We've arranged our
favorite snippets in a letter form so we could share with you the best of
Beavises and Buttheads of the biblically impaired:

"Dear Faggots, Dikes, Soddomites, Lissbians, and Queer Bates: I recently
came across your address in a magazine I was reading and a plea for
donations to support your perversions caught my eye. Their is no excuse for
you. Your all sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick.
Gays are barf-inducing because you know what they do in private. Sex organs
are not very sanitarilly clean. Regard- less of a man's ability as an
artist, dress designer, or choreographer (three favorite professions, I'm
sure) the bottom line is that he enjoys [a long, explicit and obliviously
well-researched description of gay male sex]. I'm sure that lesbians engage
in similar disgusting acts [no description: they still can't figure out
what we do in bed!].

Who is Barry Goldwater compared to God? Check the following versus of
scripture: Genises, Romens, Leviticals, and Profits. God created Adam and
Eve, not Adam and Steve. The Bible makes it clear that Jesus preferred
straight men. That is why God sent you Aides. In our day Aids were helpers
in the principals office.

The homophiles are nothing short of a hatred spreading group that has
joined forces with the KKK, and the brown shirters and the anti-semetics.
Homos have no right to teach in our public schools. You just want to pray
on our children and lead them in a stray. There isn't a homosexual alive
who fought and died for his country like we did.

My wife is not a lesbian and neither is my son. I've never had sex with a
man and neither has my wife. I hope that your campaigning for homosexuals
is due to your being unknoweable rather than you thinking the things they
do are just `sexual preferance.' Keep your sexual perversions to yourself
and I'll keep my sexual perversions to myself.

I also challenge the word "homophobic" as fear of hobosexuals. I'm not
homophobic--I have no fear of your type, only contempt. And now you have
homophobia to wave around just like the jews have anti-semenic. So lets get
rid of the word homophobia: How about "Homo-Blyiccch" (gag, choke, vomit)?
Sure, you can call me homophonic if you like but I know what's right and
what's wrong. When all you perverts are in hell it will be a much better
place.

I am curious about how you got our name. I suppose that's a secret you'll
keep buried in your bosom. I do not encourage anyone likely to place me on
your mailing list to get more such weird offers. I demand that you remove
me from your rooster!

[Signed]
Satan
Hell Fire Lane
Hell, Inc."

As you can see, we have met the enemy, and they are illiterate.

Reprinted from The Lavender Network newspaper, February 1994.
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