Kirk: Ah... hello Mister Spock.
Spock: Good day, Captain.
Kirk: Are you an avid baseball fan?
Spock: Baseball is a tactical game played on a geometric pattern of 4
sides with a spherical object. The purpose is to knock
the 'shit out of' the object amidst loud verbalizations of 'Hurrah' and
'Kock 'em on their ass.' Is this correct?
Kirk: Indeed. We are in the process of learning about one of the baseball
teams from old Earth.
Spock: Oh? I am quite versed with old Earth history... perhaps I may be of
assistance.
Kirk: That's the idea.
Spock: Very well... proceed.
Kirk: Alright... Who's on first.
Spock: I am unable to determine who is on first without proper information
concerning the team and year, sir.
Kirk: So?
Spock: Perhaps we could start with who the team is, and I can test the
accuracy.
Kirk: No... Who's on first.
Spock: I do not know.
Kirk: No... he's third base.
Spock: Who is?
Kirk: No... he's first base.
Spock: Who is?
Kirk: Correct.
Spock: Who is correct?
Kirk: Sometimes.
Spock: Who is sometimes?
Kirk: No... Who is first baseman. I'm not familiar with Sometimes'
identity.
Spock: Whose identity?
Kirk: No... him I know... he's first baseman.
Spock: Who is?
Kirk: Right.
Spock: Perhaps we can discuss the identity of the second baseman.
Kirk: What.
Spock: I said the second baseman.
Kirk: What.
Spock: This is highly illogical. You have no apparent auditory
disfunction, sir. Now, as I asked... who is the second baseman?
Kirk: No... you didn't ask that, and Who is the first baseman.
Spock: I am not familiar with that piece of information, sir.
McCoy: Dammit, Spock! You messed up the whole setup there!
Spock: Forgive me Doctor... I am not a comedian.
McCoy: Obviously.
Spock: That much is certain.
McCoy: Just get back to the skit.
Spock: Very well. Captain... I ask you... politely... who is the second
baseman?
Kirk: No... Who is the first baseman. What is the second baseman.
Spock: That is incorrect, Captain. The second baseman is obviously a
sentient being, and therefore should be referred to as who, and not what.
'Who is the second baseman,' not 'what is the second baseman.'
Kirk: Wrong, Spock. Who is the first baseman, and What is the second
baseman.
Spock: That statement is most illogical.
Kirk: Okay... wait a minute. We'll get Scotty... he's Scottish...he must
love baseball. Oh Mister Scott...
Scott: Aye, Cap'n?
Kirk: Who is the first baseman of the team we were talking about.
Scott: Aye, Cap'n. It ain't never been any other way!
Kirk: You see, Spock?
Spock: Yes... Mister Scott seems to know the material well. Alright, Mister
Scott... who is the second baseman?
Scott: Ach! No, Mister Spock! That be What you're talking about!
Spock: I know that be what... er... is what I'm talking about. I am very
intelligent, and rarely lose track of what I am talking about.
Scott: Ach! Don't bring track inta this! That be a bloomin' field event!
Spock: What has this got to do with field events?
Scott: Ach! No! What's the second baseman!
Spock: Again, I note that a person should be referred to as 'who' and not
'what' Mister Scott.
Scott: Only if he's tha first baseman, Mister Spock!
Spock: What you are saying is most illogical.
Scott: Ach! No! What's a real bright fella!
Spock: Who is a 'real bright fella' Mister Scott?
Scott: No! Who... now he's a real dope, sir!
Spock: Who is?
Scott: Right!
Spock: You are relieved, Mister Scott.
Scott: Aye, sir.
Spock: Sir... this is most illogical, and I am no longer interested in
learning who the second baseman is. I am also growing impatient.
Kirk: No... Who's the first baseman.
Spock: Very well sir. Good day, gentlemen, or whoever you are.

[Spock leaves.]

Kirk: Whoever! I forgot about him! Wait... I don't remember a Whoever on
the team...
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