[Editor's Note: If you forward this, please leave the attribution (below
the poem) intact.]

The Perils of C

So you've got to write a simple app and any mook can see,
That it's going to be a snap if you write it in C.
So you plan out all your code and you set your app attrib,
Synthesize the Node and link in all your .lib.

Then put in all the writing, you're having lotsa fun,
The compiler isn't fighting, so your apps all done.
You execute the program, the linker never cares,
You can't help saying "Damn!" when it maxes out on errs.

It seems the pointers you have made are cluttered in a heap,
And all the debug procs. you laid have fallen fast asleep.
You set no break, but it broke, The writing overlaps,
And though the builder never spoke, It can't find half the crap.

You had a far floating point but it pointed as _SS,
You have a tree, but in its joints the values are a mess.
It couldn't load the in or out 'cause the function did abort,
And your stupid OS whines about a conflict with a port.

So you grit your teeth and go back in, checking all your plugs,
You will not let this darn thing win with all it's errs and bugs.
You finally finish the recode, Your troubles are all done,
All the crucial pieces load but the darn thing still won't run.

Now your calls to malloc() won't let the functions start,
And any digit in a proc. will rip the sys apart.
Your 'next age' graphic system has lines across the screen,
But 'cause your linker missed 'em, you cannot wipe them clean.

The adding system is a louse, The digits are all fuzzed,
And every time you click the mouse it makes a noisy buzz.
The error cache is all wrong, It prints: "I'm having fun!",
It seems you CAN play a sound or song but never more than one.

All your ints are stored as chars because the values could,
The pointers weren't declared as 'far's even though they should.
The constructor in the base class has your objects in a stack,
And the functions that it passes think you're working on a Mac.

Your quick C code app attempts have fallen all to dung,
You have nothing now but raw contempt and a system that it hung.
And because good logic is duly missed, you relax and have a beer,
You think of C and shake your fist, "I wish K and R were here!"

Being an intermediate C Programmer Myself, I was inspired to write this
poem about the language I like and hate the most, Borland C++. This poem is
dedicated to all of the C programmers out there who have wanted to ( or
actually have ) inflicted pain on their computer.

Eric Kopp

P.S. If you read this and you know how to lock the screen in a DOS SVGA
graphics mode, please E-Mail me. You'd think it would be easy but it's hard
as ruddy heck. I'm koppg@cadvision.com.

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