The Top 39 things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say ever, no matter how
much they've had to drink, no matter how far from the South they've
wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening...

39. I'll take Shakespeare for $1,000, Alex
38. Duct tape won't fix that
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken
35. We don't keep firearms in this house
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog
32. I thought Graceland was tacky
31. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe
30. Wrasslin's fake
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians
27. Do you think my hair is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy
25. Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds
22. Deer heads detract from the decor
21. Spitting is such a nasty habit
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today
19. Trim the fat off the steak
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso
17. The tires on that truck are too big
16. I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad
15. I've got it all on a floppy disk
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams
9. Checkmate
8. She's too old to be wearing a bikini
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw that we haven't seen
5. I don't have a favorite college team
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side
3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer

And the #1 thing you would NEVER hear a Southerner say is,

1. Elvis who?
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