PARENTING DEFINITIONS

AMNESIA
condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex
again.

DUMBWAITER
one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING
the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you
on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK
the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained
carrots.

FULL NAME
what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS
the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're
sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY
what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE
a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT
how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW
the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL
when your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE
a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes
into it.

SHOW OFF
a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE
what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your
last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK
where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO MINUTE WARNING
when the baby's face turns red and he begins to make those familiar
grunting noises.

VERBAL
able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT
none of the kids that live in your house.

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