[Editor's Note: Someone recently told me that some of these are from one of
Letterman's top 10 lists. Well, I won't tell if you won't. --TMM]

Top 20 Children's Books Not recommended by the National Library Assoc.

20. Clifford the Big Dog is Put to Sleep
19. Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things from your
Nose
18. The Hardy Boys, the Bobsey Twins, and the Vice Squad
17. The Tickling Babysitter
16. A Pictoral History of Circus Geek Suicides
15. Charles Manson Bedtime Stories
14. Daddy Loses His Job and Finds the Bottle
13. Babar becomes a Piano
12. Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear
11. David Duke's World of Imagination
10. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
8. Legends of Scab Football
7. Teddy: the Elf with the Detached Retina
6. Tommy Tune: Boy Choreographer
5. Joe Garagiola Retells Favorite Fairy Tales But Can't Remember the
Endings to All of them
4. Ed Beckley's Start a Real-Estate Empire with the change from your Mom's
Purse
3. Things Rich Kids Have, but you never will
2. Let's Draw Betty and Veronica without their clothes on
1. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead

------------------------------------------------------------------------

And yet more...

"You Were an Accident"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"Some Kittens Can Fly"

"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"

"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North
Amer - - Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"All Dogs Go to Hell"

"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"

"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog"

"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

"Bi-Curious George"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"You Are Different and That's Bad"

"Dad's New Wife, Timothy"

"Pop! Goes The Hamster.... And Other Great Microwave Games"

"Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets"

"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"

"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"

"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"

"Controlling The Playground: Respect Through Fear"
------------------------------------------------------------------------