Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: An imperfect sex manual

Some time ago the British magazine `New Statesman' had a humour competition
in which readers were asked to come up with a letter complaining to the
publisher of a sex manual, "relating to serious injury sustained, damage
inflicted, or frustration experienced, after following the instructions
contained therein."

Peter Norman won 15 pounds for this:

Dear Sir,

One knows that publishing standards are declining, but I have never been so
shocked and appalled by the number of misprints in a single publication. I
refer, of course, to your "100 Easy Steps to Martial (sic) Satisfaction".
Some of the advice therein is rendered misleading, dangerous or even
illegal by such errors.

For instance, on page 212, one is enjoined to `carefully place a condor on
your penis...' Later, on the same page, we are told to `stroke the beast,
stimulating the erectile tissue at its tip', a course of action that I
fancy even trained falconers would eschew. Elsewhere, my partner actually
followed to the letter (pardon my little joke) the instructions to `fondle
your mans bills' (p39) and `give him a long, slow message' (p128), both of
which proved positively anaphrodisiac. And no one, surely, outside ancient
Carthage has `punic hair' (p56) or uses a `dido' (p337). In chapter 1, the
recommended `fissionary position' (p6) sounds a little explosive for
beginners...
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