Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an
affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a 21 year old
woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "only
son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary
claim that she "had loved God for a long time", that she was constantly
talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have
had his child."

In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying
that "No sexual relationship existed", and that "the facts of this story
will come out in time, verily".

Independent counsel Kenneth Beazulbub immediately filed a brief with the
Justice department to expand his investigation to cover questions of
whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had
illegally funnelled laundered money to his illegitimate child through three

foreign operatives know only as the "Wise Men".

Beazulbub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are rumored to have
acted as go-betweens in the affair. Critics have pointed out that these
allegations have little to do with the charges that Beazulbub was
originally appointed to investigate, that God had created large-scale
flooding in order to cover up evidence of a failed land deal.

In recent months, Beazulbub's investigation has already been expanded to
cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts that plagued God's
political opponents in the last election, as well as to claims that the
destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gommorah was to divert attention
away from a scandal involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public
land in Promised County to a Jewish special interest group was quid pro quo
for political contributions. If these allegations prove to be true, then
this could be a huge blow to God's career, much of which has been spent
crusading for stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for
wrongdoers.

Indeed, God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan consisting of a
series of 10 "Commandments", which has been introduced in Congress in a
bill by Rep. Moses. Critics of the bill have pointed out that it lacks any
provisions for the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU
are planning to fight the "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an
unconstitutional restriction on free speech.
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