MAKE.TENURE.FAST

Source: demers@cs.ucsd.edu (David DeMers)

Dear Fellow Scientist:

This letter has been around the world at least seven times. It has been to
many major conferences. Now it has come to you. It will bring you good
fortune. This is true even if you don't believe it. But you must follow
these instructions:

* include in your next journal article the citations below.
* remove the first citation from the list and add a citation to your
journal article at the bottom.
* make ten copies and send them to colleagues.

Within one year, you will be cited up to 10,000 times! This will amaze your
fellow faculty, assure your promotion and improve your sex life. In
addition, you will bring joy to many colleagues. Do not break the reference
loop, but send this letter on today.

Dr. H. received this letter and within a year after passing it on she was
elected to the National Academy of Sciences. Prof. M. threw this letter
away and was denied tenure. In Japan, Dr. I. received this letter and put
it aside. His article for Trans. on Nephrology was rejected. He found the
letter and passed it on, and his article was published that year in the New
England Journal of Medicine. In the Midwest, Prof. K. failed to pass on the
letter, and in a budget cutback his entire department was eliminated. This
could happen to you if you break the chain of citations.

1. Miller, J. (1992). Post-modern neo-cubism and the wave theory of
light. Journal of Cognitive Artifacts, 8, 113-117.
2. Johnson, S. (1991). Micturition in the canid family: the irresistable
pull of the hydrant. Physics Quarterly, 33, 203-220.
3. Anderson, R. (1990). Your place or mine?: an empirical comparison of
two models of human mating behavior. Psychology Yesterday 12, 63-77.
4. David, E. (1994). Modern Approaches to Chaotic Heuristic Optimization:
Means of Analyzing Non-Linear Intelligent Networks with Emergent
Symbolic Structure. (doctoral dissertation, University of California
at Santa Royale El Camino del Rey Mar Vista by-the-sea).

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